Wednesday, July 30, 2008

It's All in the Jeans

I met Mrs. Lee today--my first school board member, other than Dr. Crisp. Doc was here with me when Mrs. Lee arrived, so at least I didn't have to talk to her alone. I used the advice LadyNerd left on my blog last week and imagined that Mrs. Lee was a skittish cow that might be easily spooked by a stranger like me. I smiled, then remembered not to smile too wide, and then I lost control of my mouth entirely and blurted out, "Hello, Mrs. Lee. It's a pleasure to milk you--I mean, to meet you!" So much for imagining her as a cow!!!

Mrs. Lee looked me up and down and sniffed with disdain. "Those aren't this season's DenimGlom jeans. I ought to know because I buy a new set every spring and fall, one of each item in the line, and those don't resemble anything currently in my closet." I mean, really! I'm taller than a giraffe and what she cares about most are whether my jeans are in style or not?

"Actually, the packing slip said they're next season's jeans," I told her.

Mrs. Lee raised her eyebrows a bit and turned to Dr. Crisp. "Julian? You're her physician too, right?"

"I am," said Doc.

"So, just how contagious is she?"

"Excuse me?" he asked.

"Is there a chance of Miss Mills infecting the other children? Some of them are menace enough at ordinary sizes, but if they were to catch her disease--"

"I'm not diseased, I'm just really tall!!!" I stomped my foot to prove my point, hard enough to shake the ground.

Dr. Crisp cleared his throat to cover a little hand gesture, which was probably meant as a signal for me to chill. "My best conjecture is that Melly suffers from a genetic abnormality. Her height isn't contagious at all, any more than my blue eyes or your high cheekbones, Brenda."

That was interesting. I kinda figured my extreme tallness wasn't spread by extreme tallness germs, but I never thought about it from the viewpoint of genetics. Ma and Pa weren't any taller than normal, so I must have some kind of mutation, according to the biology lessons I've read for Dr. Crisp. Except...aren't mutations usually minor things like webbed feet or a peanut allergy? Then again, there was that girl in India who was born with extra arms and legs, and that's got to be at least as strange as being seventeen feet and eleven-plus inches tall.

The rest of my interview with Mrs. Lee went pretty well, once she'd been satisfied that I wasn't hosting some giant flu virus that would turn her town into a hangout for super-sized juvenile delinquents. 'Tho many of her questions had to do with GlomCorp, and whether I might have any inside contacts who could get her a peek at the upcoming line of GlomBag brand handbags.

I'd blog more about Mrs. Lee but I have to go make Jay a sandwich now and then do his laundry. Oh, I never should have made that bet!!!

6 comments:

  1. pie guy : giant virus that would be is mega awsome but why you making him sandwich thats not a chore anyway there is 1 way for any girl to get put of any bet but im a guy so im not aloud to say man unoin would have my head

    ReplyDelete
  2. The way Jay explains it, anything involving food preparation is a chore for him, which means this week it's a chore for me.

    I'm curious about your way to get out of a bet, but I wouldn't want to get you kicked out of the union!!!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hah! Food is a chore huh? Wow, he's good at twisting things.

    Also, I am very honored you listened to my advice and also very amused with how you took it. I think you handled your milking comment fine, and I hope you aren't embarrassed about it! She didn't seem to care. I bet she thinks all young people are hoodlums or weirdos. =P

    I don't like Mrs. Lee much, I have to say. Her concern with fashion is fine but it seemed to take over the whole conversation! And I'm trying very hard not to be mad at her for the "contagious" comment.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I think the cow thing is still good advice. Maybe it will work better on the next school board member I meet.

    I kind of wish I was contageous. Then maybe I wouldn't be the only one like me, and a whole bunch of us could live together in quarantine on a tropical island somewhere.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Well, atleast she's not like Ms. Johansen. Although I still don't like her. I mean, Brenda Lee? Does this sound like a Mark Twain name or what. But I hate to admit that the lady does make a good point in noticing your jeans, although persinally you can where a clown costume for all I care, besides, people notice you for your height, not fashion style. Oh well, if worst comes to worst you can always offer her some nice grass. Cows love it. (Tell her that to see her face, heh heh).

    ReplyDelete
  6. I need all the grass I can get for my real cows. Besides, it was nice for Mrs. Lee to notice me for something other than my height. Thanks to my good freinds at GlomCorp--Ha-ha!!!

    ReplyDelete


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Illustrator Challenge

Artists can create illustrations of me or the events in my life, as long as they are appropriate for my young readers. Any previous post on this blog can be illustrated. If I like an image that goes well with a post on the blog, I may add a small thumbnail version along with credit to the artist and a link to the full-sized image. Images of me posted elsewhere should link back to the "Giant Girl Rampages" blog.

If you want to draw a picture of me, here's what you need to know:

I'm 15 years old and almost (but not quite) 18 feet tall. Mrs. Appleton says I'm very pretty and well proportioned, which I guess is a complement. I'm not super thin or anything but I think I'm in pretty good shape.

I have dirty blonde hair that's kind of wild because I trim it with Pa's old hedge trimmers. My eyes are green as the ocean, as Ma always said, but I wouldn't know because I've never seen an ocean. My skin is tanned from being out in the sun a lot but not too dark and (usually) not burned.

I wear a blouse and skirt-shorts that my mother quilted for me three years ago. They look like a big patchwork cuz she used many squares of fabric and cowhide. I've grown since then, so the skirt-shorts no longer come down to my knees, my blouse is way tight, and there's a bit of skin showing in between. I don't have any shoes (and that makes me sad to think about so I usually don't).

If you do draw my picture, send the link in a comment so I can post it to my blog. Thanks!!!

Fan-Fiction Challenge

You can write fan-fiction about me if you want. Just let everyone know your story is made up and not real, unlike this blog which is absolutely 100% true.

Be sure to link back to my blog and I'll link to the stories I like best!!!