Thursday, July 24, 2008

Attack of the Beauty Women

Mrs. Appleton insisted on giving me a makeover before I meet the school board, and today's the day. It seems a makeover is when somebody points out all your faults before plastering over them with bottles of slimy gunk.

Mrs. Appleton said my hair was scraggly and misshapen, so I shouldn't use Pa's old hedge shears to trim it anymore, or shampoo with the same soap I use to scrub the cows. Also, my skin tone is blotchy cuz I spend so much time outdoors and my nails are "calling out" to be buffed and polished. Mrs. Appleton hired three women from the beauty parlor to come to my shed and help her--and right now Mr. Appleton is breathing hard into a paper bag cuz it costs a whole bunch of money for three beauty women to make an all-day house call.

Mrs. Appleton and the beauty women spent the morning combing out my hair and covering my face with green goop. Right now the beauty women are on their lunch break and Mrs. Appleton is at the drug store buying more gunk, so I have a few minutes for this blog entry. The only reason I can see at all right now is cuz they don't grow cucumber slices large enough to cover my eyes!!!

4 comments:

  1. glad im a guy a pie guy

    ReplyDelete
  2. Amen, no wonder some girls are thought to be dumb. All that time they spend putting make up on takes so much time they can't think of anything else anymore, like learning. Sad, but hey, that's planet Earth for ya.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Wait just a minute. Who says girls are dumb???

    ReplyDelete


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Illustrator Challenge

Artists can create illustrations of me or the events in my life, as long as they are appropriate for my young readers. Any previous post on this blog can be illustrated. If I like an image that goes well with a post on the blog, I may add a small thumbnail version along with credit to the artist and a link to the full-sized image. Images of me posted elsewhere should link back to the "Giant Girl Rampages" blog.

If you want to draw a picture of me, here's what you need to know:

I'm 15 years old and almost (but not quite) 18 feet tall. Mrs. Appleton says I'm very pretty and well proportioned, which I guess is a complement. I'm not super thin or anything but I think I'm in pretty good shape.

I have dirty blonde hair that's kind of wild because I trim it with Pa's old hedge trimmers. My eyes are green as the ocean, as Ma always said, but I wouldn't know because I've never seen an ocean. My skin is tanned from being out in the sun a lot but not too dark and (usually) not burned.

I wear a blouse and skirt-shorts that my mother quilted for me three years ago. They look like a big patchwork cuz she used many squares of fabric and cowhide. I've grown since then, so the skirt-shorts no longer come down to my knees, my blouse is way tight, and there's a bit of skin showing in between. I don't have any shoes (and that makes me sad to think about so I usually don't).

If you do draw my picture, send the link in a comment so I can post it to my blog. Thanks!!!

Fan-Fiction Challenge

You can write fan-fiction about me if you want. Just let everyone know your story is made up and not real, unlike this blog which is absolutely 100% true.

Be sure to link back to my blog and I'll link to the stories I like best!!!