Thursday, August 7, 2008

Halfway Up the Melly Tree

I met the last school board member today. Mrs. Rodriguez. Doc wasn't kidding when he said she was "getting on in years." Mrs. Rodriguez looked like she was made entirely out of gnarls, wrinkles, and thick eyeglasses that didn't actually help her to see. I knew this cuz the first thing she said to me was, "Well now, you don't seem all that tall to me."

She was talking to my kneecap.

"I'm up here," I told her.

Mrs. Rodriguez took a step back and pointed her thick lenses upward. "Oh, climbed a tree, have you? That's most unladylike behavior."


She chuckled. "That's all right, dearie. I scaled a few oaks myself when I was your age. Bet you're surprised to hear that!" I sure was surprised--who knew they had oak trees that long ago!!!

"I'll cut to the chase," she said, 'tho I couldn't picture her chasing much of anything. Maybe a snail, if it didn't have too much of a headstart. "Some of the parents," said Mrs. Rodriguez, "worry that you might be a danger to the other children."

"That's crazy!!!"

"I know, dearie, but it's my job to handle the crazy concerns as well as the sane ones. I'll need to ask some difficult questions to find out exactly how dangerous you really are."

"Ask me anything," I told her.

Mrs. Rodriguez laughed, which sounded more like a chicken's cackle than any sound a human would make. "Oh dearie, dearie! I've been around the block more than a few times. You don't get any useful answers from asking a person if they're well-behaved or not. But I know who just might have something to say on the matter--where is your foster-brother, Jay?"

I felt my stomach sink. "He's over in the house."

"Thank you, dearie. You stay up in your tree and I'll have a nice sit-down with your brother."

I don't have a good feeling that conversation. I'm worried Jay'll make up a bunch of stories about me, and I'm even more worried he'll tell the truth!!! Why couldn't I have been nicer to him when I had the chance??? Now I won't get into high school and my whole future will be ruined!!!


  1. This too shall pass.

  2. I hope so.

    I can totally see Mrs. Rodriguez as a cow, by the way. An old, wrinkled cow. I know that's not what you meant but now I can't get the image out of my head!!!

  3. If he ruins this, tell him he's got 3 seconds to run...Or, forget the whole thing. But don't give that weasel any satisfaction.

  4. Three seconds? Ha-ha!!! He probably couldn't get beyond my reach in three seconds!!!


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Illustrator Challenge

Artists can create illustrations of me or the events in my life, as long as they are appropriate for my young readers. Any previous post on this blog can be illustrated. If I like an image that goes well with a post on the blog, I may add a small thumbnail version along with credit to the artist and a link to the full-sized image. Images of me posted elsewhere should link back to the "Giant Girl Rampages" blog.

If you want to draw a picture of me, here's what you need to know:

I'm 15 years old and almost (but not quite) 18 feet tall. Mrs. Appleton says I'm very pretty and well proportioned, which I guess is a complement. I'm not super thin or anything but I think I'm in pretty good shape.

I have dirty blonde hair that's kind of wild because I trim it with Pa's old hedge trimmers. My eyes are green as the ocean, as Ma always said, but I wouldn't know because I've never seen an ocean. My skin is tanned from being out in the sun a lot but not too dark and (usually) not burned.

I wear a blouse and skirt-shorts that my mother quilted for me three years ago. They look like a big patchwork cuz she used many squares of fabric and cowhide. I've grown since then, so the skirt-shorts no longer come down to my knees, my blouse is way tight, and there's a bit of skin showing in between. I don't have any shoes (and that makes me sad to think about so I usually don't).

If you do draw my picture, send the link in a comment so I can post it to my blog. Thanks!!!

Fan-Fiction Challenge

You can write fan-fiction about me if you want. Just let everyone know your story is made up and not real, unlike this blog which is absolutely 100% true.

Be sure to link back to my blog and I'll link to the stories I like best!!!