Thursday, June 26, 2008

Seven Feet of Nekkid

Mrs. Johansson still isn't happy. Apparently my clothes, handmade by my own mother's hands, are "woefully inadequate for a proper young lady." When she said this I wanted to pick her up and toss her across the lawn. That would show the little witch who the woefully inadequate one is--but you'll be proud of me for biting my tongue and just glaring down at her from my full height.

Okay, so I've grown a few feet since Ma made my skirt-shorts. They don't cover my knees anymore. But so what? I've seen much shorter skirts in fashion magazines. And that's what I told Mrs. Johansson, too.

"Your hem is higher than most people are tall. You're seven feet of nekkid, from the ground up!" And that's just the way she said it too, seven feet of nekkid. Well yeah, maybe I am, but that's all leg. And there's nothing obscene about my legs except that they happen to be almost nine feet long!!!

"Of course you're right, Mrs. Johansson," Mrs. Appleton said, taking that witch's side. "But what can we do? They don't sell outfits off the rack for 18-foot girls."

"I'm 17 feet 10 and one half inches," I reminded her.

"I can't make any exceptions to the rules," Mrs. Johansson stated. "There's no such thing as a child who can't fit into standard clothing sizes, especially these days, with special orders and the Internet."

"But Melly is one of a kind," Mrs. Appleton protested.

"No exceptions," Mrs. Johansson snarled. She and Mrs. Appleton continued to argue while I stalked away as fast as my freakish legs could carry me. Even if they sold Gap dresses or Banana Republic shirts in my size, I'd never trade in the clothes that Ma made for me with love and her own ten fingers. Never!!!


  1. Try tossing her, I'm sure no one will miss her. Just kidding, the last thing I want is some old bat's ghost haunting you. Is that picture supposed to be you? Tell Mrs. Appleton to atleast here you out, tell her that your mom made your clothes. See what happens. And next time Ms. Johansen shows up, have Dr. Crisp with you. Maybe he can andle her. (Is she Swedish or Danish, because Johansen is supposed to be a Germanic name, plus, she said Nekkid. Ha ha ha ha ha, nekkid. That's funny. Oh, nekkid).

  2. The picture is as good as I could do. The hair isn't right, and neither is the face, or the eyes, or the shirt, or the skirt, or the farm in the background, but the nose looks a little like mine...

    I don't know whether Mrs. Johansson is 50% Swedish or 25% Danish or what, except that she's 100% witch!!!

  3. Oh, and I don't dance like that either!!!

  4. Thank God, for a second I thought you looked like a cartoon. That was a funny lookin dance too.

  5. What's the name of that newspaper that said you went on a rampage? It's seems that the press never get anything right, no matter what.

  6. How'd you like me to come up with a story for you? Although you wouldn't be the main character, it could suit your taste. What elements would you want the story to have?

  7. Right about now, it would be nice to read a story where Mrs. Johansson falls into a deep hole and only someone with really long arms can save her--or not save her. Ha-ha!!!

    The local paper here is The Daily World, but it should be The Daily Bunch of Liars!!!

  8. Hmm, I'll think about it, I just need more inspiration.

  9. hey melly*hugs and kisses* i'm back
    so sorry if i wasn't here with you,but a lot of stuff has been going awry.... But your my best and only friend Melida, i love you!!
    and what anybody says is a lie, your Just the most perfect person in the whole world!!

  10. Peter, that's very creepy. You can't love someone you've never met!!! Why don't we just be friends, okay?

  11. yea, no i mean, not love, you are my friend melly...
    i'm sorry if i creeped you out..

  12. Johansson's actually a Norwegian name. Swedish names have one 's' and Danish names end in 'sen' instead of 'son'.

    But... seven feet of nekkid? That's a lot of leg. You don't have to get rid of the old stuff, but maybe you should have something that fits better. Besides, you don't want to dress like the girls in the fashion mags. You'd have boys looking up your skirt way too much.


First Post Prior Post Next Post Home Page

Illustrator Challenge

Artists can create illustrations of me or the events in my life, as long as they are appropriate for my young readers. Any previous post on this blog can be illustrated. If I like an image that goes well with a post on the blog, I may add a small thumbnail version along with credit to the artist and a link to the full-sized image. Images of me posted elsewhere should link back to the "Giant Girl Rampages" blog.

If you want to draw a picture of me, here's what you need to know:

I'm 15 years old and almost (but not quite) 18 feet tall. Mrs. Appleton says I'm very pretty and well proportioned, which I guess is a complement. I'm not super thin or anything but I think I'm in pretty good shape.

I have dirty blonde hair that's kind of wild because I trim it with Pa's old hedge trimmers. My eyes are green as the ocean, as Ma always said, but I wouldn't know because I've never seen an ocean. My skin is tanned from being out in the sun a lot but not too dark and (usually) not burned.

I wear a blouse and skirt-shorts that my mother quilted for me three years ago. They look like a big patchwork cuz she used many squares of fabric and cowhide. I've grown since then, so the skirt-shorts no longer come down to my knees, my blouse is way tight, and there's a bit of skin showing in between. I don't have any shoes (and that makes me sad to think about so I usually don't).

If you do draw my picture, send the link in a comment so I can post it to my blog. Thanks!!!

Fan-Fiction Challenge

You can write fan-fiction about me if you want. Just let everyone know your story is made up and not real, unlike this blog which is absolutely 100% true.

Be sure to link back to my blog and I'll link to the stories I like best!!!